Do you like to smoke at public spaces?
Involuntary smoking(간접흡연) is the government's must-solved problem. I think government
should regulate smoking at public spaces, because non-smokers have a right
to breathe in clean air. Also, Smoke from cigarettes is harmful to people who
breathe it in indirectly. According to
doopedia, person who doesn't smoke, but has smoking spouse has a
higher probability to lung cancer and heart disease more than their spouse.
Economic loss caused by smoking is also great problem to society. In Korea,
according to study investigated by Institute
of Population & Health Service Research at Yonsei University in
1995, expenses to medical treatment would be 2 trillion won, and
expenses which are used to solve environmental pollution made by
smoke from cigarettes would be 3 trillion won. Now the expenses will
cost more, because 20 years passed. To sum up, government should regulate
smoking at public spaces for public welfare.
Involuntary Smoking, Photo, E. (n.d.).Chosunmedia. Retrieved December 4, 2015.
#Credit for reason no.1
간접흡연. (n.d.). Retrieved December 4, 2015,
from http://terms.naver.com/entry.nhn?docId=1222656&cid=40942&categoryId=32749
#Credit for reason no.2
흡연으로 인한 질병과 환경피해. (2010, November 26).
Retrieved December 4, 2015, from http://www.happycampus.com/doc/11098245
Dear Yeeun,
답글삭제Your topic is something that I really want it to happen. Nowadays, so many people are smoking when they’re walking by the road with full of people. When they smoke, other people are the ones who get hurt and suffer from all the smoke. It is true that non-smokers have higher possibility of getting a lung cancer by inhaling smoke, rather than the actual smokers. I think it is really unfair. I want people to smoke only at the smoking area, not on the sidewalk.
Have a nice day,
Jee Hye
Hi Yeeun,
답글삭제I read your article interesting. Your topic is really a matter now days. Smokers need to be considerate to non-smokers. Smoking in a non-smoking area is a ungentlemanly behavior. I hate a whiff of smoke, so I want to establish a strong law about smoking area. Therefore, I agree with your writing.
Best wishes,
Woori
Hello Yeeun!
답글삭제It is a seductive titles. I also think that goverment should reglate that people who smoke at public spaces. The smell of smoke is very harmful to nonsmokers. I think that non-smokers have their rights. I want to listen more your opinion becasue your title is so interesing! Please write more your opinion?!!
Have a nice day~
Yu yeong
Hello Yeeun,
답글삭제I really agree with your opinion. I sometimes suffer from cigarette smoke. Particularly, when I pass by someone who smoke, I do second-hand smoking without my intention. Secondhand smoking is a big health hazard, so I think goverment should regulate smoking at public spaces. I think Cigarette isn't helpful for both smokers and non-smokers.
Have a nice day,
Jihye
Hi Yeeun,
답글삭제Actually I have the minds which is similar with yours. I am a non-smoker so I hate the smoke of the cigarette. And I also think that there should be a strong regulations of government to make people who smoke have to be aware about damages to others, country, and environment .
Have a nice d;ay,
Jeong Eun
Hi Yeeun,
답글삭제I read your OREO form well. Regulating smoking area is a hot topic emerging from Korea, and now we can't smoke in PC room, bar, restaurant, etc. Recently many non-smoking area appear in Sejong University, so smokers express their discontent and nonsmokers don't suffer from cigarette smoke now. There is one worry about your paragraph. Your issue can be simple and transparent. Because the issue is easy, readers can anticipate your writing before they read your paragraph. You have to control many reasonable, reliable, creative, and statistical data in your writing. If you do that, readers will gain the sympathy and useful information from your writing. I wish you write helpful and good paragraph.
Best wishes,
Younghwi
Hello Ye-eun,
답글삭제I agree with your opinion, government should regulate smoking at public spaces, and non-smokers have a right to breathe in clean air.
Moreover, non-smokers' right to breathe in clean air is prior to smokers' right to smoke wherever they want.
I think this idea should be spread as soon as possible, so there is no non-smoker who suffers from second-hand smoking.
Have a nice day!
Song Hui
Hello Ye-eun,
답글삭제I really agree with your opinion, government should regulate smoking at public spaces. Your paragraph is concise and specific and enough evidence, but I think that your topic sentence is not interesting. You already know Gary wants to interesting first setence. If you have better topic sentence, your paragraph is more interesting!
Have a nice day!
Byungman
Hi Yeeun,
답글삭제I never thought about the economic losses caused by smoking. How could such a huge cost occur! I strongly agree with you because smoking in public spaces harms not only passive smokers, but also national budget. In addition, as your example sentence is very clear, I could get it well. Thanks. :) However, I think it's better to insert a comma in front of the word ‘but’ in the 4th line of your paragraph.
Also, You'd rather write 'which are used' instead of 'which is used' in the 9th sentence, 'government' instead of 'goverment' in the first sentence, and 'environmental' instead of 'envrionmental' in the 9th sentence of your paragraph. I think those are just some of mistakes, and you did a great writing.
Best wishes,
Hyewon Shin
Dear Yeeun,
답글삭제Good to see you again, Yeeun. Your 2nd draft looks more nice. There are reliable reasons and statistical data in your writing. Everyone can know the harmful of involuntary smoking when they read your paragraph. However I think that there are more datum for your writing when you find more about. Not just pictures, but also graphs, statistics, and other things can make your paragraph more abundantly. I hope that that your writing will be more abundant until final draft.
Have a good night,
Younghwi